Thirty one. An Indian. A woman. Still unmarried.

When wordpress sent me their annual report on new years day, I couldn’t help but glance at the statistics of my blog posts last year to notice one particular article soaring the charts with the maximum number of views during the year.  I guess I never did actually realize how many 30 unmarried Indian women are out there.  It made me want to write about my thoughts on one year later but what has really changed? (Original blog post – http://wp.me/p16Ayv-L)

A few years ago, I made a list, I wrote it down on a piece of paper with a pink marker and the title was “Things to do before I turn 30” (a less depressing bucket list if you will) and no 14 on that list was “Marry an amazing man”. I am sure many women (and men) have that up on their mental list even if they don’t jot it down on a piece of paper like me. When I made this list many years ago, I was that type of person who would plan a lot, I wanted to graduate by a certain age, own my first house by a certain age, get married at a certain age, and have babies at a certain age and pretty much die at a certain age too. Years of mistakes and changing my mind umpteen number of times later, I stopped making plans revolving around my age. After all, what was the point? Will turning the big 3 O actually make me sit up and realize that oops I haven’t fulfilled no 14 on my list and I must cross it out hence I’ll marry the next man that walks in (even if he isn’t so amazing). If it does then well, what was the point of waiting this long in the first place?

But what age does really mean to a person I wonder –

Why do they say finish high school at 16?

Umm, because everyone else finishes high school at 16?

Okay then what about people who go back to high school to finish in their mid twenties/thirties/forties?

Oh they are losers.

What about the biological ticking clock for women then?

Well now thanks to modern medicine, women don’t have to get married before 30 just to have babies!

Yes but who wants to have babies in their 40’s and look like a grandmother while watching their 21-year-old son graduate from college?

Oh Well.

One of my favorite author, Jane Austen, has always revolved her books around the central theme of finding a spouse – how to find your spouse, when to find him, where to find him, why to find him and well you get my point. Sure her books were written in the 1800’s but I don’t agree much has really changed since then; while Jane Austen thought the ideal age to get married back then was 15-19, right about now its 25-29. So two centuries has brought us 10 years of time but then again it all boils down to age again doesn’t it?

It’s not easy to keep hearing from your friends and family that don’t rush into a decision because of your age but then again reminded in that same breath “But it’s high time now don’t you think?”. On one hand you think, no its wrong so what if I am turning 31, I still look under 25 so I still have a lot of time on my hands and on the other hand, you know there is a little grey root tucked sneakily behind your hair waiting to spring out reminding you of how old you truly are. But if not age, then what other better measure of time is out there? What better measure reminding you of all your achievements and all your failures at a particular point in your life. Why else do people go crazy at 50 and buy a brand new Ferrari or a brand new Rolex on their 30th birthday? It’s all to add to their list of achievements at that point in time. But then again, buying something materialistic is a lot easier than deciding to spend a whole life time with someone (duh).

At the end of it, you can choose to look at your age the way you want to. You can look at your age and brood over the achievements you didn’t manage to make that many other people did or you can look at your age and swell with pride with that glittering new Rolex you were able to afford or by celebrating with friends and family who love you. You can look at your age and realize there were some things you didn’t take as seriously as you should have or you can look at your age and realize that you wasted your younger years looking at everything so seriously that now it was time to just kick back and relax because in the end everything does turn out a-okay.

So one year later, I stare at the number 1 next to the number 3 on my birthday cake (because let’s face it 31 individual candles gets too crowded on a cake) and scratch off the title of my list to rename it “Things to do before I turn 35” because after all I look at age for what it truly is – just a number.

Ain’t it?

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16 thoughts on “Thirty one. An Indian. A woman. Still unmarried.

  1. A few points I came across once:

    1. In the beginning, there were no stairmasters or low-fat-high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum.

    Meaning? The pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances (and the fine line of SnackWell products) we can all hope to live to age 80. Easy.

    Meaning? Even if we get married at age 40, that’s still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. And divorced? What’s the hurry?

    2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Hitler got married. Frankenstein got married. Linda Tripp got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

    3. Meanwhile, look at some of our cool single role models:

    Catwoman: single.
    Buddha: single.
    Aphrodite: single.
    The Lone Ranger.

    Actually, all superheroes are single: Superman, Wonder Woman, Dudley Do-Right, etc.

    4. Then there’s The Ultimate Superhero — God. Also single. And God is even a single-parent household.

    5. It’s easy to become married. 2.3 million people do it a year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging? Like an astrophysicist.

    🙂

  2. So I have my blog (which is relatively new) and was trying see where it ranked in Google’s search (which is nowhere!) and came across your blog (oh yeah, my name is Dipti too). Having passed the big 30, I could relate to a few things so interesting blog I must say!
    Cheers!

  3. well, i do agree with a few points because i am sailing in the same boat. when i was finished my graduation, i wanted to work for some time and be independent before i got married. wrong decision i guess. and i had expectations like any other girl would have. iam 30+ now and most of the guyz want to marry younger girls. iam in a state now where any guy who meets the minimum criteria is ok. sadly, i have not yet met that guy. now i know i made a mistake when i was in my early twenties. i was so frustrated that i started writing a blog last week.

  4. I know exactly what you mean, questioning your decision is quite normal (and probably influenced by what alot of elders tell you too) but the truth is there are guys out there who like a well traveled independent woman so even if you havent met him yet, you will soon enough!
    Oh and whats your blog address – let me check it outt!

  5. so true….we surely are a handful :P…

    I wasted the best years of my late 20s for a loser to convince his family for our marriage…well after 6 years of waiting, i decided to move on at 31…a little late in the day but m glad i did it…

    I dnt want to meet any Mr. right straight away. But I am sure that my life will turn out just fine.

    Wish me luck!

  6. hey Dipti ..even i find myself on the other side of 30..!! n yes SINGLE ..lol..
    but here i m left almost no friends,..thanks to my last 4 yr long relationship which turned out to be a duh..!!
    Men find me sexy..n hot but i dont knw y cant they find me marriageable ? i too look pretty younger than my age….
    n alas i cant buy myself that rolex.. !! :D:D
    Can u tell me (incase u know) how to make new friends..my office environment is too conservative (construction industry) so cant find friends there. Also male female ratio is so skewed that if i talk a bit to a single guy then “we” are an item 😉
    & most of my guy & female friends r long married with kids..so its difficult for them to take out fun time…!!
    I too want to get married and have no high expectation..only bare basics..!
    I cry for my lost love (broke up recently after many small break ups) as he was my last hope..so was trying to give my best till the very last moment ..but it was nvr meant to be..!!
    i always feared loneliness…n now i find myself empty and lonely..its a terrible feeling..!! i nvr thought i will have to live these days..(after all i was one among the wannabes ) but then there is a saying…life is rude !! it surely is……

  7. Yes…its gud …its ok to be 30 plus and single……life is full of surprises and shocks…..lets bear it all …..never compromise and never settle for anythng less than what we deserve….i m a 32..wasted my late twenties for a loser.but i don regret it as that breakup taught me precious lessons and taught me my self worth

  8. Hey Dipti!
    Thnx fr writing dis blog.
    I can relate to it vry much as me too don’t wanna get married.I want to b single,working,independent woman. Derez so much to explore in the world but our elders,relatives n so-called society do not think d same way. I was quite relaxed after reading ur blog thinking yes,m nt wrong,dere r other females also who think lyk me but I hv not found d ryt path to establish myself n to convince my family about my dream of being single. I cannot handle d pressure of getting married anymore. I feel strangled. There is no1 who support me n say ”ja,jeele apni zindagi beta,m vd u”.

  9. Dear Dipti,
    Just came across your blog. Very well written. I just turned 31 and I seriously don;t feel like it.
    Why are women over 30 considered pathetic and weak ? We are expected to bend and settle down with any Tom,Dick or Harry who comes across. Why can’t we be hot, rocking and still sane people whose only goal in life is not to have a man and babies 😛
    You rock !

  10. Pingback: Feminists lied to women about career and marriage – YugaParivartan

  11. Oh Boy I am on the same boat : D. I am 32 and last few years of my life have been horrible. I dated an ass0le for 1 year and then it took me 2 years to get over him. He was a lying jerk. Then I lost my dad and am still healing. I am happy but the social pressure is too much to handle, People think as if we single women are different creatures from a different planet or may be our only goal in life is to get married and pop babies. Pleople also think that single women are either Ioose or have some problem.In short single women according to them are not normal. I dont know why people can not accept the fact that a woman can be unmarried and still be happy. They will always come up with the famous lines”Who will look after you”,”you will die alone” etc. WTF .I am a grown ass woman and I can take care of myself and yes we die alone and yes we are born alone Duh!! I have seen most of my married friends(both male and female) are either miserable , unhappy , regretting for getting married or in a loveless marriages. Only a few are “happy” . Its not only in India but in other countries too people look down upon unmarried ,single women. Getting married in India is no big deal .People get married everyday. Even half mads , criminals, insane crazy Lunatics get married everyday including normal people. Its like a tag that you have to have by any means. I am a woman who loves life and wants to live it my way and no I am not easy I was raised with moral values. If the day ever comes and I ever get married then it will be only for LOVE and no other reason. Thanks for this blog Dipti. Hope you are doing well 🙂

  12. Hi Dipti, just came across your blog. Very nicely written. I can relate completely. I am 31 myself abd still havent found my significant other. I think if its in my destiny then it will surely happen and if its not then well I will still live my life 😀 . I dont think that marriage will make me complete.Well our society thinks otherwise though. I will surely love to settle down with the right person someday but not with just anyone that crosses my path.

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